There’s this widely held belief that as you get older, you stop caring so much about what others think. People say you become more grounded, more confident, and more at peace with yourself.
There’s truth to that, but turning 50 hasn’t been an instant transformation for me. It wasn’t like the clock struck midnight on October 8th, and suddenly I was free of all my insecurities and doubts.
Looking back, I realize the change probably started over the past decade. It’s been a slow burn—a mix of experiences, lessons, and gradual shifts in perspective. But since turning 50, it is as if the threads of everything I’d been learning and experiencinghas started to come together.
It wasn’t a single “aha” moment, but a feeling of clarity that began pulling it all into focus.
But what is it about turning 50 that sparks this change? Is it time? Experience? Wisdom? Or maybe even the hormonal shift we’re all starting to talk about more openly—yes, peri/menopause. Whatever the reason, it’s like a switch begins to flip. You start to realize that the rules you’ve been following—the ones about pleasing others, measuring up, and putting yourself last—were never serving you.
Here’s what has actually changed for me since that fateful day:
Acknowledging It’s a Privilege to Turn 50
This milestone isn’t guaranteed, and I don’t take it for granted. I’ve had friends and known women who passed away far too soon, leaving behind families, careers, and dreams still unrealized. Reaching 50 is a gift—a privilege not afforded to everyone. I’m reminded to live fully, appreciate what I have, and not waste time sweating the small stuff.
Having A New Appreciation for My Family
With my daughter applying to universities, I’ve become acutely aware that the dynamics of our family are changing. Our home, as we know it, won’t always be the same. This realization has shifted my perspective on those little annoyances—like the clothes on the floor that used to drive me crazy. One day soon, I won’t have a pile to complain about. So instead of frustration, I’m learning to cherish the mess, the chaos, and the fleeting moments of this phase of life.
Putting Myself First (Finally)
Something unexpected has happened—I’ve realized I don’t have to please everyone. What I think, feel, and need is important too, and it’s okay to make decisions that prioritize me. For so long, I put everyone else first, often to my own detriment. But now, I’m discovering the power and freedom of saying, “This matters to me, and that’s enough.”
Using My Voice
This might be one of the most powerful changes. I’ve stopped holding back my voice. If I have something to say, I’m going to say it. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone actually knows how I feel? The energy I’ve spent silencing myself or worrying about how my words might land isn’t worth it. Speaking up is liberating—and often, it’s exactly what’s needed.
Letting Go of the Need to Impress
The constant striving for approval from others is exhausting, and frankly, I don’t want to do it anymore. That internal voice telling me to measure up, to prove myself, or to seek validation from others is getting quieter—and I’m more than okay with that. Life isn’t a performance, and I’m learning to stop playing to an audience that doesn’t exist.
Giving Myself Grace
The mental replay of what I said (or didn’t say) and beating myself up over it—it’s hard to shake. But when I manage to stop, to give myself a break and remind myself that no one else noticed or cared, it feels so liberating. Learning to support myself, to say “it’s okay,” and to move on without judgment has been one of the most gratifying shifts of all.
Changing the Lens I See Through
I’ve also started to recognize how much my conditioning—my upbringing and life experiences—has shaped the way I see the world. It’s like I’ve been wearing glasses with a specific filter my whole life. But here’s the powerful part: I can take them off, change the lens, and see things differently. I’ve realized that my perspective isn’t universal—it’s just mine. And others are seeing the world through their own lenses, too. This shift in awareness has opened up so much space for growth, compassion, and understanding.
Owning My Happiness
This might be the biggest revelation: My happiness and success are entirely in my control. I’ve spent years waiting—for someone else to notice, to approve, to give me what I need. But the truth is, no one else can do that for me. Everyone is busy trying to figure out their own happiness, and that’s okay. It’s not their job, it’s mine.
Happiness is an inside job. It’s about recognizing that I have the power to shape my reality, to achieve what I want, and to be content in the life I’m living. The only person standing in my way is me.
For Those Not Yet 50
Here’s the thing, you don’t have to wait until you’re 50 to start making these changes. If I could go back and tell my younger self a few things, here’s what I’d say:
- Stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to prioritize yourself.
- Learn to let go of what other people think—it’s liberating, and they’re not thinking about you as much as you think they are.
- Give yourself grace. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
- Use your voice. Speak your truth without fear – it is worth it and others want to hear what you have to say.
- Recognize that your perspective isn’t the only one and that you can change your lens at any time.
- Own your happiness and success now. Don’t wait for someone else to hand it to you—it’s truly yours to create.
If you can start making these shifts now, at any age, you’ll find more freedom, joy, and peace sooner. And isn’t that what we’re all striving for?
Turning 50 has been a turning point in more ways than one. It’s not about suddenly not caring what people think. It’s about slowly learning to care about what I think. It’s about appreciating the gift of time, letting go of perfection, and finally stepping into the life I want to live.
Here’s to the next chapter! Messy, imperfect, and completely mine. I look forward to 60, so I can share all the learnings the next 10 years will bring.
Joanna xo
